MISunderstanding...
no one really understands yourself like you do... but do you understand urself totally as well?
i sometimes feel no1 can truly understand me, how i feel, what i feel, what i think, what's gg on in my life, and then they impose judgments already.. why do we question ppl when we see them sad or unhappy? do we really care hw they feel? or do we juz wanna make ourselves better when we asked them dont be sad.. cuz if we see them sad, we dont feel good.. and in order to make ourselves feel better n nt guilty for the person's sadness, we say 'dun be so sad la...' i caught myself saying tt to huiwen when she told me she lost her hp.. and immediately told myself off. i thk its such a overly used phrase tt is meaningless..
the person wont stop being unhappy juz cuz u said so. prob makes him/her feel worse or the same cuz u are denying his feelings and asking him to stop feelin tt way, as if tts wrong.. (learnt all these in 101 textbk, but rather make sense when i thk abt it)
if we just ask pple why they look unhappy cuz we dont wish to see tt and allow it (perhaps) to influence us as well, rather den real concern, we are just encouraging others to pretend there's no worries/problems they are facing.. others will next appear always cheery and smiling.. but is tt just a facade? sometimes i do feel tt way.. cuz its easier to force a smile.. and sweep ur problems under the carpet when u face others.. but beneath that shell, the vulnerablility and suppressed tears are things that others dont see...
i sometimes also hate pple asking me 'how r u?' or 'how's tings gg on?'... i noe they mite be really like concerned, but often i feel thats more like a conversation starter.. to me its nt a good choice.. cuz u cant sum up the ans to 'how are things?' in a sentence or short phrase.. ppl often expect u to say tings like Fine.., good.., OK... thats wat i hate! i always say 'i'm ok lor', or 'things are ok..' when i dun mean it.. i m stuck in dilemma whenever i m asked tt qns.. cuz i m nt really OK! but why shd i tell u, or in fact, how shd i tell u?? OK is juz an answer u wish to get and i conveniently give u.. so tht both of us will feel better.. shd i instead reply 'Oh, u noe tings are nt really ok.. very horrible.. my projects.. my lectures.. i m not adapting well.. i feel i m giving off negative vibes.. am i having low self-esteem? blah blah blah'??? i dont thk tts the answer they are expecting.. it will prob shock them, cuz after listening to that, they wont noe wat to reply to make u feel better.. den it mite go back to the vicious cycle of nt understanding or really noeing ur situation n ur feelings, and try to just help u solve by saying 'dont thk too much la, dont be too sad/worried, everyting will be ok!'.. BUT what do u noe??
damn.. i m like so skeptical of people.. increasingly i feel i m alone.. but at least it makes me feel better that even tho humans may fail me, but there is someone who is always present.. God and his peace.. his quiet assurance that He will see me through every circumstance of my life.. (learnt in today's follow up with eliza).. really appreciated eliza's prayer for me every session.. makes me feel much more encouraged..
